Some of the funniest baseball quotes.
I've come to the conclusion that the two most important things in life are good friends and a good bullpen.  ~Bob Lemon, 1981
Baseball players are smarter than football players.  How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?  ~Jim Bouton, 1988
Baseball is a fun game.  It beats working for a living.  ~Phil Linz
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.  ~Earl Wilson
A hot dog at the ballgame beats roast beef at the Ritz.  ~Humphrey Bogart
Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.  ~Ted Williams
I'm convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile.  ~Tom Clark
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.  ~Dave Barry
People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball.  I'll tell you what I do.  I stare out the window and wait for spring.  ~Rogers Hornsby
Baseball was made for kids, and grown-ups only screw it up.  ~Bob Lemon
When they start the game, they don't yell, "Work ball."  They say, "Play ball."  ~Willie Stargell, 1981
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.  ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
I don't want to play golf.  When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.  ~Rogers Hornsby
This is a game to be savored, not gulped.  There's time to discuss everything between pitches or between innings.  ~Bill Veeck
A baseball park is the one place where a man's wife doesn't mind his getting excited over somebody else's curves.  ~Brendan Francis
It ain't like football.  You can't make up no trick plays.  ~Yogi Berra
Awards mean a lot, but they don't say it all. The people in baseball mean more to me than statistics.
~ Ernie Banks
Baseball, it is said, is only a game.  True.  And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona.  ~George F. Will, Men at Work: The Craft of Baseball, 1990
I became a good pitcher when I stopped trying to make them miss the ball and started trying to make them hit it.  ~Sandy Koufax
Hitting is timing.  Pitching is upsetting timing.  ~Warren Spahn
Why does everybody stand up and sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" when they're already there?  
~Larry Anderson
Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.
~ George Bernard
Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become.
~ Mary McGrory
Baseball would be a better game if more third basemen got hit in the mouth by line drivers.
~ Dan Jenkins
A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time.  ~William C. Feather
Don't forget to swing hard, in case you hit the ball.  
~Woodie Held