Famous OBAMA quotes
Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth. Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for "That One." And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president. If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome.
Barack Obama
But I have to say tonight's venue isn't really what I'm used to. I was originally told we'd be able to move this outdoors to Yankee Stadium, and can somebody tell me what happened to the Greek columns that I requested?
Barack Obama
I do love the Waldorf-Astoria, though. You know, I hear that from the doorstep you can see all the way to the Russian tea room.
Barack Obama
You notice that people who've been in Washington too long, they don't talk like ordinary folks,. We had this debate in Las Vegas, and somebody asked me, "What are your weaknesses?" So I said, "Well, you know, I don't keep track of paper that well, I'm always losing paper, my desk is a mess." And then they asked the next two candidates. And one candidate says, "Well, my biggest weakness is I'm just so passionate about helping poor people." And then the other one says, "I'm just so impatient to help the American people solve their problems." So then I realize well, I wish I'd gone last and then I would have known.. I'm stupid that way, I thought that when they asked what your biggest weakness was, they asked what your biggest weakness was. And now I know that my biggest weakness is I like to help old ladies across the street.
Barack Obama
The mimic bands the keyword opposite the given earth.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tagalog Love Quotes
1. Sabi nila, ang tanga ko daw kasi hinihintay pa rin kita. Kasi ok lang sa akin kahit nandiyan sha. Kasi wala naman akong magagawa para malaman mo na mahal kita. Paano kapag naging tayo? E di masaya, isang manhid at isang tanga. | 2. Kung mahal mo raw, ipaglaban mo. Totoo ba yun? Paano kung hindi ka niya mahal? Anong ipaglalaban mo? Isang pag-ibig na ikaw lang ang nakakadama? Mahirap ata yun ah! Kaya mo ba? Pero kapag mahal mo talaga, kakayanin mo diba? |
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Monday, August 24, 2009
Loan Arithmitic - Best teacher jokes
Loan Arithmitic - Best teacher jokes
Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. 'If you had ten dollars,' said the teacher, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?'
'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly.
'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?'
'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'
Table of contents
Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. 'If you had ten dollars,' said the teacher, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?'
'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly.
'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?'
'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'
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Boots - Best teacher jokes
Boots - Best teacher jokes
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots?
He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my
boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.
Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed them in the
toes of my boots..."
Her trial starts next month.
Table of contents
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots?
He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my
boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.
Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed them in the
toes of my boots..."
Her trial starts next month.
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Teaching Applicant - Best teacher jokes
Teaching Applicant - Best teacher jokes
After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I've got this right: You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.
You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams.
You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly
with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. You want me to do all this, and then you tell me.............. I CAN'T PRAY?"
Table of contents
After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I've got this right: You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.
You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams.
You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly
with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. You want me to do all this, and then you tell me.............. I CAN'T PRAY?"
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Better Grades - Best teacher jokes
Better Grades - Best teacher jokes
Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.
He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades...somebody is going to get a spanking!"
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Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.
He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades...somebody is going to get a spanking!"
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One of my Kids - Best teacher jokes
One of my Kids - Best teacher jokes
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.
He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
"No, I'm your son's teacher."
Table of contents
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.
He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
"No, I'm your son's teacher."
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Spring Fever - Best teacher jokes
Spring Fever - Best teacher jokes
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
Table of contents
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
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How Many are Left - Best teacher jokes
How Many are Left - Best teacher jokes
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
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The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
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No wonder English is so hard to learn - Best teacher jokes
No wonder English is so hard to learn - Best teacher jokes
No wonder English is so hard to learn
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
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No wonder English is so hard to learn
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
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Little Johnny's Science Lesson - Best teacher jokes
Little Johnny's Science Lesson - Best teacher jokes
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?”
Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, “You're a mother!”
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Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?”
Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, “You're a mother!”
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Philosophy Exam - Best teacher jokes
Philosophy Exam - Best teacher jokes
Philosophy Exam
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words:
"What chair?"
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Philosophy Exam
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words:
"What chair?"
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The Professor Makes Change - Best teacher jokes
The Professor Makes Change - Best teacher jokes
The Professor Makes Change
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class period, the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
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The Professor Makes Change
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class period, the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
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English Essay - Best teacher jokes
English Essay - Best teacher jokes
Jimmy's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Jimmy handed in a poor paper.
"This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read," ranted the teacher. "It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes."
"One person didn't," replied Little Jimmy defensively. "My father helped me."
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Jimmy's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Jimmy handed in a poor paper.
"This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read," ranted the teacher. "It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes."
"One person didn't," replied Little Jimmy defensively. "My father helped me."
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Kids are Quick - Best teacher jokes
Kids are Quick - Best teacher jokes
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O -D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: ! Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do yo u call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O -D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: ! Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do yo u call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
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Late for school - Best teacher jokes
Late for school - Best teacher jokes
The new family in the neighborhood overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.
The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said that she would have to direct him to the school.
They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.
The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle.
The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."
Table of contents
The new family in the neighborhood overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.
The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said that she would have to direct him to the school.
They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.
The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle.
The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."
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Misbehaving Phone Call - Best teacher jokes
Misbehaving Phone Call - Best teacher jokes
Seven year old Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that John was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."
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Seven year old Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that John was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."
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Stricter with the screening process - Best teacher jokes
Stricter with the screening process - Best teacher jokes
Stricter with the screening process
A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven.
The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little
stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary.
The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year.”
The angel says, “Okay, you may enter.”
He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life.
She states, “I earned $150,000 as an attorney.” The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too.
He turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life?”
The man replies, “I earned $8,000 last year . . .”
“Oh,” the angel interrupts. “What did you teach?”
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Stricter with the screening process
A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven.
The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little
stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary.
The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year.”
The angel says, “Okay, you may enter.”
He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life.
She states, “I earned $150,000 as an attorney.” The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too.
He turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life?”
The man replies, “I earned $8,000 last year . . .”
“Oh,” the angel interrupts. “What did you teach?”
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earth science class - Best teacher jokes
earth science class - Best teacher jokes
earth science class
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."
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earth science class
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."
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School Daze - Best teacher jokes
School Daze - Best teacher jokes
School Daze
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
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School Daze
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
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An Atheist - Best teacher jokes
An Atheist - Best teacher jokes
An Atheist
A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not an atheist."
Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a Christian."
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.
"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly.
"What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
She paused, and smiled. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an atheist."
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An Atheist
A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not an atheist."
Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a Christian."
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.
"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly.
"What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
She paused, and smiled. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an atheist."
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Best teacher jokes of all times
Best teacher jokes of all times is a collection of the best teacher jokes on the internet.
An Athiest
School Daze
Earth science class
Screening process
Misbehaving Phone call
Late for school
Kids are quick
English essay
The profeessor makes change
Philosophy exam
Little johnny's science lesson
Hard to learn
How many are left
Spring fever
One of my kids
Better Grades
Teaching applicant
Boots
Loan Arithmetic
An Athiest
School Daze
Earth science class
Screening process
Misbehaving Phone call
Late for school
Kids are quick
English essay
The profeessor makes change
Philosophy exam
Little johnny's science lesson
Hard to learn
How many are left
Spring fever
One of my kids
Better Grades
Teaching applicant
Boots
Loan Arithmetic
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Sunday, August 23, 2009
Famous flirty quotes: The best flirty quotes of all times list 4
Famous flirty quotes: The best flirty quotes of all times
A collection of the most famous flirty quotes and the best flirty quotes of all times.
The sweetest word for me is LOVE
The only one for me is YOU
You can fall from the sky
You can fall from a tree
But the best way to fall
Is in love with me
The Deeper You Fall In It
The Harder It Is To Get Out.
3<< Previous
A collection of the most famous flirty quotes and the best flirty quotes of all times.
Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #31
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #32
I get the best feeling in the world when you say "Hi" or smile at me, because I know that even for a second that I've crossed your mind.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #33
Every night I go home crying because I'll have to wait until tomorrow to see you again.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #34
If someone was to write a story about my life, the climax would be when I met you.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #35
The shortest word for me is IThe sweetest word for me is LOVE
The only one for me is YOU
Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #36
Loving you is like breathing; How can I stop?Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #37
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #38
If nothing lasts for ever, will you be my nothing?Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #39
You can fall from the sky
You can fall from a tree
But the best way to fall
Is in love with me
Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #40
Love Is Like Quicksand:The Deeper You Fall In It
The Harder It Is To Get Out.
3<< Previous
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Famous flirty quotes: The best flirty quotes of all times list 3
Famous flirty quotes: The best flirty quotes of all times
A collection of the most famous flirty quotes and the best flirty quotes of all times.
2<< Previous | Next >>4
A collection of the most famous flirty quotes and the best flirty quotes of all times.
Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #21
What's a y woman like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #22
Most pictures may be worth a thousand words, but a picture of you needs only one! Wow!Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #23
Did you have a fever when you took that picture? You look pretty hot from here.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #24
I know what caused global warming. You!Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #25
Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #26
I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #27
Have you come to terms with the effect your beauty is having on people's computer surfing habits?Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #28
You shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection!Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #29
This isn't a belly; it's a fuel tank for a love machine.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #30
Your eyes are as blue as the water in my toilet bowl.2<< Previous | Next >>4
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Famous flirty quotes: The best flirty quotes of all times
Famous flirty quotes: The best flirty quotes of all times.
A collection of the most famous flirty quotes and the best flirty quotes of all times.
1<< Previous | Next >> 3
A collection of the most famous flirty quotes and the best flirty quotes of all times.
Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #11
If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #12
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #13
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #14
I hope you know CPR, cause you take my breath away!Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #15
So here I am. What were your other two wishes?Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #16
This is me making the first move....your turn!Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #17
Apart from being y, what do you do for a living?Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #18
Did it hurt When you fell from Heaven?Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #19
Can I borrow a quarter? I just want to call my mom and tell her I just met the of my dreams.Famous flirty quotes: Best flirty quotes #20
Hey, I just noticed you looked at my picture, I'll give you a minute to catch your breath.1<< Previous | Next >> 3
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Saturday, August 22, 2009
Best gay quotes: The best gay quotes and most famous gay quotes 2
Best gay quotes: The best gay quotes and most famous gay quotes
A collection of best gay qutoes and famous gay quotes from the internet and from people gay or not who likes to share their thoughts and points of view about being gay. Enjoy..
-Alfred Kinsey
-Gore Vidal
-Karen Ripley
-Benjamin Disraeli
-Johann von Goethe
A gay man stood up and said "I did".
The preacher told him "since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymes."
Excitedly, the gay guy said, "well I'll take him and him and him."
-unknown
-Sheila Kuehl
-Harvey Fierstein
-Michael Lucas
-Jose Luis Rodrigueaz
1<< previous best gay quotes| more best gay quotes >>3
A collection of best gay qutoes and famous gay quotes from the internet and from people gay or not who likes to share their thoughts and points of view about being gay. Enjoy..
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #11
The world is not divided into sheeps and goats. Not all things are black nor all things white. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories. Only the human mind invents categories and tries to force facts into separated pigeon-holes. The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. The sooner we learn this concerning sexual behavior the sooner we shall reach a sound understanding of the realities of sex.-Alfred Kinsey
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #12
The important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself.-Gore Vidal
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #13
I can't help looking gay. I put on a dress and people say, "Who's the dyke in the dress?"-Karen Ripley
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #14
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.-Benjamin Disraeli
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #15
If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.-Johann von Goethe
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #16
The church service was under way and they passed the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stop the service and announced "who ever put the $100.00 bill in the plate please stand up".A gay man stood up and said "I did".
The preacher told him "since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymes."
Excitedly, the gay guy said, "well I'll take him and him and him."
-unknown
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #17
"Gay and lesbian people fall in love. We settle down. We commit our lives to one another. We raise our children. We protect them. We try to be good citizens."-Sheila Kuehl
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #18
"Is a gay play a play that has sex with other plays?"-Harvey Fierstein
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #19
"There is a tendency in the gay community to become worse than straight people ever could be!"-Michael Lucas
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #20
"We are not the first but I am sure we will not be the last. After us will come many other countries, driven, ladies and gentleman, by two unstopable forces: freedom and equality"-Jose Luis Rodrigueaz
1<< previous best gay quotes| more best gay quotes >>3
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Best gay quotes: The best gay quotes and most famous gay quotes
Best gay quotes: The best gay quotes and most famous gay quotes
A collection of best gay qutoes and famous gay quotes from the internet and from people gay or not who likes to share their thoughts and points of view about being gay. Enjoy..
-Epitaph of Leonard P.
-unknown
-Barry Goldwater
-Ernest Gaines
-James Baldwin
-Tennessee Williams
-Elton John
-Paul Newman
-Bruce Bawer
-Perry King
more best gay quotes >>2
A collection of best gay qutoes and famous gay quotes from the internet and from people gay or not who likes to share their thoughts and points of view about being gay. Enjoy..
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #1
When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.-Epitaph of Leonard P.
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #2
If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone will want them!-unknown
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #3
You don't have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight.-Barry Goldwater
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #4
Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?-Ernest Gaines
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #5
Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.-James Baldwin
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #6
What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.-Tennessee Williams
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #7
There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.-Elton John
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #8
I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant.-Paul Newman
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #9
Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul.-Bruce Bawer
Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #10
People sometimes think I'm gay because I once played a gay in a movie. It's funny. Audiences don't think you're a murderer if you play a murderer, but they do think you're gay if you play a gay.-Perry King
more best gay quotes >>2
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Thursday, August 20, 2009
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes list 3
Collection of the best dirty jokes of all times. Most are Famous and at the same time funny, but dirty. No naughty kids allowed.
List of Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes of all times:
Alcohol and Hot Dogs
2 << Previous dirty jokes
List of Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes of all times:
Alcohol and Hot Dogs
2 << Previous dirty jokes
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Alcohol and Hot Dogs. Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes
Collection of the best dirty jokes of all times. Most are Famous and at the same time funny, but dirty. No naughty kids allowed.
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Alcohol and Hot Dogs
Alcohol and Hot Dogs
One night two drunks were wandering the town trying to get drinks, but between the two of them, they only had a dollar and change. So the first drunk says, "Hey, I've got an idea - we put our money together and buy a hot dog."
The second drunk, looking at him puzzled, says, "What the hell? I don't want a hot dog; I want a goddamn drink!"
The first says, "I know. We buy the hot dog, stick it down the front of my pants, go into a bar and order our drinks. When the bartender tells us the price, you drop to your knees and suck the hot dog like you're sucking my dick - and the bartender will throw us out and we won't have to pay for anything!"
The second drunk says, "Well, it sounds like a good enough idea to me."
So they buy the hot dog and the first drunk sticks it down his pants. They go into a bar, order two whiskeys, and when the bartender tells them the price, the second drunk drops to his knees and sucks on the hot dog. The bartender throws them out and tells them not to come back.
The drunks go on to hit 19 bars. Finally, the second drunk says, "We've got to switch places 'cause my knees hurt from dropping to the floor."
The first drunk says, "You think that's bad? I lost the hot dog in the third bar!"
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Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Alcohol and Hot Dogs
Alcohol and Hot Dogs
One night two drunks were wandering the town trying to get drinks, but between the two of them, they only had a dollar and change. So the first drunk says, "Hey, I've got an idea - we put our money together and buy a hot dog."
The second drunk, looking at him puzzled, says, "What the hell? I don't want a hot dog; I want a goddamn drink!"
The first says, "I know. We buy the hot dog, stick it down the front of my pants, go into a bar and order our drinks. When the bartender tells us the price, you drop to your knees and suck the hot dog like you're sucking my dick - and the bartender will throw us out and we won't have to pay for anything!"
The second drunk says, "Well, it sounds like a good enough idea to me."
So they buy the hot dog and the first drunk sticks it down his pants. They go into a bar, order two whiskeys, and when the bartender tells them the price, the second drunk drops to his knees and sucks on the hot dog. The bartender throws them out and tells them not to come back.
The drunks go on to hit 19 bars. Finally, the second drunk says, "We've got to switch places 'cause my knees hurt from dropping to the floor."
The first drunk says, "You think that's bad? I lost the hot dog in the third bar!"
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Smart Harry. Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes
Collection of the best dirty jokes of all times. Most are Famous and at the same time funny, but dirty. No naughty kids allowed.
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Smart Harry
Smart Harry
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......
Go back to Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes list
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Smart Harry
Smart Harry
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......
Go back to Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes list
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Tarzan...Jane. Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes
Collection of the best dirty jokes of all times. Most are Famous and at the same time funny, but dirty. No naughty kids allowed.
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Tarzan...Jane
Tarzan...Jane
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him, and during her questions about his life she asked him what he did about sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, Tarzan use a hole in the trunk of tree!"
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong! I'll show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes, dropped to the ground and spread her legs wide.
"Here," she said, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer, and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Tarzan check for bees first!"
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Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Tarzan...Jane
Tarzan...Jane
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him, and during her questions about his life she asked him what he did about sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, Tarzan use a hole in the trunk of tree!"
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong! I'll show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes, dropped to the ground and spread her legs wide.
"Here," she said, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer, and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Tarzan check for bees first!"
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Husband Cybering? Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes
Collection of the best dirty jokes of all times. Most are Famous and at the same time funny, but dirty. No naughty kids allowed.
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Husband Cybering?
Husband Cybering?
10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with 1 hand!
9) After signing off she always has a cigarette!
8) After she gets off, the screen's all fogged up!
7) During sex he screams, "a: \ enter insert!"
6) After he uses the computer, the seat is all sticky!
5) Your fax is filled with some guy's ass!
4) The INSERT key on your keyboard is all worn out!
3) The only 3 keys that aren't stiff are: S, E, X!
2) The keyboard is moist!
1) She comes home with a rubber+- inflatable disk drive!
Go back to Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes list
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Husband Cybering?
Husband Cybering?
10) He is getting amazingly fast at typing with 1 hand!
9) After signing off she always has a cigarette!
8) After she gets off, the screen's all fogged up!
7) During sex he screams, "a: \ enter insert!"
6) After he uses the computer, the seat is all sticky!
5) Your fax is filled with some guy's ass!
4) The INSERT key on your keyboard is all worn out!
3) The only 3 keys that aren't stiff are: S, E, X!
2) The keyboard is moist!
1) She comes home with a rubber+- inflatable disk drive!
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Dumb and Dumber. Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes
Collection of the best dirty jokes of all times. Most are Famous and at the same time funny, but dirty. No naughty kids allowed.
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Dumb and Dumber
Dumb and Dumber
A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there.
They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him, "The men with really big dicks and the girls with really, really big boobs were both really, really dumb."
When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was.
The boy said, ''Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, dumb blonde, and the longer they talked, the dumber he got.''
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Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Dumb and Dumber
Dumb and Dumber
A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there.
They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him, "The men with really big dicks and the girls with really, really big boobs were both really, really dumb."
When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was.
The boy said, ''Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, dumb blonde, and the longer they talked, the dumber he got.''
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Good Thinking. Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes
Collection of the best dirty jokes of all times. Most are Famous and at the same time funny, but dirty. No naughty kids allowed.
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Good Thinking
Good Thinking
A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."
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Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Good Thinking
Good Thinking
A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."
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Shaking it Up. Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes
Collection of the best dirty jokes of all times. Most are Famous and at the same time funny, but dirty. No naughty kids allowed.
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Shaking it Up
Shaking it Up
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"
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Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Shaking it Up
Shaking it Up
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"
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Nightgown. Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes
Collection of the best dirty jokes of all times. Most are Famous and at the same time funny, but dirty. No naughty kids allowed.
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Nightgown
Nightgown
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
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Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: Nightgown
Nightgown
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
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The Worst. Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes
Collection of the best dirty jokes of all times. Most are Famous and at the same time funny, but dirty. No naughty kids allowed.
Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: The Worst
The Worst
One night, three guys are at a bar talking and they all think their wives are cheating on them.
The first guy says he thinks his wife is screwing a plumber because he found a tool belt under his bed.
They all agree, and the second guy tells his story. He says he thinks his wife is screwing a judge because he found a robe and gavel under his bed.
They all agree, and then the third guy says, "That's nothing! My wife is the worst! I came home and found a cowboy under my bed. I can't believe she's screwing a horse."
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Best Dirty Jokes: Funny Famous dirty jokes: The Worst
The Worst
One night, three guys are at a bar talking and they all think their wives are cheating on them.
The first guy says he thinks his wife is screwing a plumber because he found a tool belt under his bed.
They all agree, and the second guy tells his story. He says he thinks his wife is screwing a judge because he found a robe and gavel under his bed.
They all agree, and then the third guy says, "That's nothing! My wife is the worst! I came home and found a cowboy under my bed. I can't believe she's screwing a horse."
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