Funny Alcohol Quotes

Here are some funny quotes on alcohol, not the chemistry lab kind but the drinking kind, but of course you only expected that :)






I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it. ~Raymond Chandler




One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. ~Lady Astor






When the wine is in, the wit is out. ~Proverb




No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkeness - or so good as drink. ~Lord Chesterton

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
~George Burns

I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me.
~Brendan Behan


Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living. ~Jean Kerr


We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good. ~Horace Hutchinson





A man ought not never to get drunk above the neck. ~Author Unknown



If you wish to keep your affairs secret, drink no wine. ~Author Unknown


They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst. ~Scottish Proverb


Bacchus has drowned more men than Neptune. ~Giuseppe Garibaldi


A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her. ~W.C. Fields


I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. ~Frank Sinatra


Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. ~Dave Barry


Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. ~Robert Benchley



I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on. ~Oscar Levant


Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems. ~Homer Simpson


I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver. ~Phil Harris

I drink only to make my friends seem interesting. ~Don Marquis


Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss. ~Robert Heinlein


I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
~Noel Coward

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
~Brendan Behan



Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.
~Knute Rockne


Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker.
~Ogden Nash


Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion.
~Unknown


Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fu*k
~George Carlin


Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend.
~Gerard Way

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
~Frank Sinatra



Life's a waste of time, time's a waste of life so let's all get wasted and have the time of our life.
~Author Unknown


Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
~Phyllis Diller



Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
~Rita Rudner

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
~Winston Churchill



When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
~Henny Youngman



I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
~Winston Churchill




How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
~Author Unknown


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