Top Funny Quote #1
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
~ Douglas Adams ~
Top Funny Quote #2
Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
~ Steven Wright ~
Top Funny Quote #3
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
~ Rodney Dangerfield ~
Top Funny Quote #4
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
~ Andy Rooney ~
Top Funny Quote #5
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
~ Robert Frost ~
Top Funny Quote #5
You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman "It's plucking your eyebrows". That's how I originally got pierced ears.
~ Geri Jewell ~
Top Funny Quote #6
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
~ Erma Bombeck ~
Top Funny Quote #7
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
~ Bill Vaughan ~
Top Funny Quote #8
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
~ Unknown ~
Top Funny Quote #9
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
~ Will Rogers ~
Top Funny Quote #10
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
~ Rita Rudner ~
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