...SLEEPLESS NIGHTS... AND THOUGHTS.

When I got back from church yesterday, I took a four hour nap. I haven't been able to sleep the whole night, and i mean, that's pretty obvious, considering the time is now 3 52. And when i say i havent been able to sleep, i mean that i went to my bed, got under the covers, said my prayers, but i couldn't sleep. its been a good hour. however, it wasn't a wasted hour of twisting and turning. I spent the last one hour in deep thought. about my life... my friends... my family... everything. I said a prayer for everything i could think of as well. then, i got up and decided to blog. But before that, i wrote the hook to a song.. a song i titled Heaven's eyes. 

     I must say that i don't like to think very often. Not because i do not like to spend time reflecting over my life, but because i tend to think too much. For those of you who do not know me, i'm a very emotional person. im very sensitive too. i think being very sensitive and emotional is not a very good combination. especially when you're thinking about a lot of stuff. 3:57 a.m.

     I love my friends. Very much. and of recent, i have lost people very dear to me - not because we fought, or because there was some sort of conflict, but you know how sometimes you just don't feel someone anymore? like you just don't communicate anymore, or text like you used to? or talk on the phone for like three hours? or even just say i miss you, knowing that you will prolly get an i miss you back? yh. its that sorta thing. I think something that we human beings struggle with, or live in the denial of is that we have this self pride that we don't want to give up. Cause see, in these situations, I'm the one sending the texts and not getting replies. I'm the one saying i miss you and not getting a ditto. But the thing is, i don't do it more than once. I'm definitely not a sucker for people like i used to be. so if you ignore my text - once - i'm not going to keep textn you like i didnt have a life of textn before you. Then again, i sit and tell myself that it may take just one more text to break the ice, and get my friendship back. just one more hi to know that someone that i care about still cares about me. Unfortunately, the one text or hi is not coming from me. Yes, in some situations, i am proud. and its not something to boast about. If someone is already sick of me, i'm not trying to make them wish me dead. 4:08 a.m.

i just remembered this dude i saw on saturday morning while i was eating lunch with my friend. Not very facially endowed, but sexxxyyy. First of all, it takes a lot for me to actually call someone sexy. then, not very many sexy boys go to my school so it was obv hard to miss this one. idk what made me think of him right now, but thinking of him reminded me of a funny story. it wasnt funny when it happened, but now, it sure is. guess i should tell it yeah? 4:14 a.m.

So my freshman year, there was this other guy me and my friend used to say was really cute. we never talked to him or anything but we knew his name cause all the girls were on him. you know, the hottest thing kinda ish.. and then, it was freshman year. freshmen come in not having an idea of what college is about and blah blah blah.. but anyway, our school cafeteria has this stir fry place where you can "cook your own" real fast. I went to dinner with my friend one night and i didnt find anything to eat so i decided to cook my own. While i was cooking, i saw this cute dude walking towards me from the side of my eye. In my head i'm like "he's coming to talk to me. jackpot". and no, he didnt walk right past me. its not that kind of story. lol. it's this kind. he walked up to me and said "Hey. what's your friends name"? hahahaha... yh, its okay to laugh and gasp now. i told him her name, and then he said thanx and walked away. I walked back to my table and my friend was like "I saw him coming to talk to youuuuuuu!!!!" and i was like "oh, that? yeah he talked to me. he asked me your name". mmm.. this story always makes people laugh at me. p.s. im smiling as im writing this, so trust me, i laughed at myself too.. and i still do. 4. 24 a.m.

I'm grateful i do not have class till 11 a.m tomorrow. I can be up all i want. i just have to be up at 9 45. anyway, im kinda really hungry now. i would go to sheetz cause its right beside my apartment, but im not trying to mugged taking a 2 minute walk to sheets right now alone. but that just reminded me of another story. and i'll tell that one too. 4.27 a.m.

This one night my friend and i were very hungry and we were up studying. you know how you procrastinate till the very last hour and have to stay up till like 4 am doing homework? that was us on this faithful night. or maybe 4 am would be an exaggeration. Newaiz, we were super duper hungry so we went to said we were going to go to sheetz to get some chop. (food). Mind you, it was like 2 a in the morning, (thats the true time btw..lol.. no exaggerations on this one) so we were in sleeping outfits. and i dont mean like sweats and t-shirts. i mean sleeping outfits. we were contemplating on whether to change or not, but we figured that it was 2 am, so there wouldnt be people we knew at sheetz. we threw some sweats on, and headed out the apt. as we approached the door of sheetz, there wasnt really anybody we knew. bingo! as soon as we walked in, all these people that we know start trooping in the door. me and my roomie are looking at ourselves like wth??? hahaha.. we had scarfs and hair nets on, sweats and blah blah blah.. its that kinda dressing you wouldnt be caught dead in. so we started walking to the back of the store hoping people wouldnt see us. Unfortunately, where we were walking to was the part of the store that people decided they needed something from. we just had to start saying hi to people so we didnt look weird. lol.. it was the worst thing ever. NO ONE needs to know what i look like at 2 or 3 am in the morning. So if you ever see me and my roomie at sheets in the am's looking decently dressed, thats the reason why. Some lessons hurt too much, you just have to learn. 4:40 a.m

... and i'm still not sleepy. plus, someones car security system alarm just went off.. at 4 41 a.m. really? was someone trying to steal or something?? lol... ohhhh my.

4:44 a.m. when i havent written a word for three minutes, then you know ive run out of what to say. Needless to say, i couldve used this time to do my homework, but i chose to blog instead. Sometimes i really wonder how i manage to keep a 3.7 gpa going. smh. Thank God for Jesus. 4: 46 a.m 

.. i think i'm just going to go and lie down on my bed and see if sleep takes me away this time. and maybe think some more... If you've read this whole post, kudos to you. cause if i was you, i doubt i wouldve read this to the end. I appreciate the love. #justsoyouknow.

thats about my sleepless night..and thinking.. as i do it.

Shanpepe...xoxo