SWAG 101

It is very important to understand swag. Swagger is crucial. Swagger will save America from falling to second place behind China. China does not have very much swag. You cannot manufacture swag. You cannot export swag. Communism is completely anti-swag, and that is why Communism will always fail.

1) Blazin Hazen


This is someone whose swagger levels are actually in the negative region. Notice how often listening to this song makes you wince, as though you are being tasered in the face over and over. Notice how no one watching this music video would ever think to themselves, “Damn, I wish that I could live like Blazin Hazen.” No. Swag level -500.

2) The Windshield Wiper Dance


"Wipe them haters off with the windshield wipers!" This person's swagger level is much higher. Notice how you would be tempted to perform this dance if you were alone in your apartment hella stoned on that GOOD, but at the same time you would absolutely never perform this dance ever in public ever. You should also notice that only 1,000 people have watched this video, although it still might catch on. You should also notice that most of the people in the video are twelve years old. Swag at a hundred and climbing.

3) Lil B aka Based God


“First I park my car. Then I fuck your bitch.” As much as I would like to place Lil B's swag at his own maximum estimate of “a hundred trillion,” I can't because there are still about twice as many Lil B haters as there are Lil B fans. (This will change pretty soon, though.) However, Lil B's swag is easily at LEAST a hundred thousand. Also, he has a rap song with Andy Milonakis, remember him?



4) M.I.A. - Paper Planes


"No one on the corner has swagger like us / Hit me on my banner pre-paid wireless" Swag on full attack, swag on a billion billion. Needs no explanation.

5) Lil Wayne, Dr. Carter third verse about swagger @ 2:45



swagger tighter than a yeast infection / fly go hard like geese erection / flashing patrol, police detection / eyes stay tight like Chinese connection / eyes stay tight like pussy at night / baby don't get me wrong, I can do that pussy right / but I'm too wrong to write, too fresh to fight / TOO PAID TO FREESTYLE, TOO PAID TO FREESTYLE / had to say it twice / swagger so nice / and don't ask me shit unless it concern a price / and I don't rap fast, I rap slow / cause I mean every letter in the words in the sentence of my quotes / swagger just flows sweeter than honey oats / that swagger I got it, I wear it like a coat / wait, as I put the light down his throat / I can only see flow / his blood starting to flow / his lungs starting to grow / this one's starting to show / strong signs of life / where's the stitches, here's the knife / smack his face, his eyes open, I reply "What a night" / welcome back hip hop, I saved your life

SWAG ON A HUNDRED THOUSAND TRILLION. SWAG ON MAXIMUM, BALLING THROUGH THE ROOF LIKE HAKEEM OLAJUWON ON STILTS. SWAGGER FOR YEARS, FOR LIFETIMES. SWAG LIKE A TRILLION PROOF LIQUOR. SWAG LIKE RONALD REGAN BUSTIN COMMUNISTS IN THEIR ASS.