Deep inside my heart

Dear Mom And Dad

Dear dad, where did you go?

I tried to run after you but mommy said no.

I sat at the window and waited for you.

Mom said you were gone but I knew it wasn’t true.

I remember when you and mom use to shout.

I would hide in my room and refuse to come out.

The bangs and booms that filled the night.

Cover my ears with my hands to block out the fight.

Dear dad, why did you hurt mommy like that?

Why did you call her a slut and say she was fat?

Guess what? I actually made the soccer team.

But some of the kids don’t like me, they’re so mean.

I wanted you to watch me play my first game.

But because of you I was never the same.

Dear dad, why did you leave?

You left mom alone to cry and grieve.

Dad, you couldn’t see the tears that she cried.

Dad! You weren’t even there when Jacob died!

Dear mom, it’s your son, the one you gave away.

I still think about you almost every single day.

I still miss you calling me your baby angel and your hugs.

Too bad you had to get caught up in those drugs.

Dear mom, I know that you thought giving me up was for the best.

I could tell by your face that you were always depressed.

I’m really sorry that I couldn’t help you.

At the age of eight, what could I really do?

Mom, I could see that you were struggling to live.

As for dad, I knew you would never forgive.

Guess what? I got all A’s on my report card.

And you’re part of the reason I am scarred.

I missed it when you were never around.

You were too busy whoring around town.

I made the high school tennis team, aren’t you proud?

I wanted to talk to you but they said it wasn’t allowed.

Dear mom, I tried something today.

It actually took all my pain away.

Now I know why you did what you did.

Just like mother, just like kid.

I painted a picture and it was for you.

It was for you but nobody knew.

I sit up late at night wondering where you are.

Wondering if you’re in a house or at some bar.

Dear mom, I’m laying here thinking about you.

Are you thinking about me too?

Dear mom and dad, I miss you a lot.

Look at this creation that you have wrought.

Can you feel that I’m dying inside?

Why weren’t you there when I almost died?

I guess I just don’t matter to you any more.

Why do you hate the thing you use to adore?

I screamed your names as loud as I could.

I want to end my life, do you think I should?

Do you even care that I feel so alone?

If I gave you a call, would you answer the phone?

Dear mom and dad, today I sat and cried.

I told people I was fine but I actually lied.

See, all I want is to feel your love and know that you care.

I’ve wished for you and everything, sent up prayer after prayer.

I just don’t understand what I did wrong.

I just want to find out where I belong.

Dear mom and dad, things are crazy over here.

I have an awful feeling that my end is getting near.

But I don’t think that this really matters to you.

You’re busy and don’t care about what I’ve been through.

So I guess this letter is over and done.

Sincerely always,

your son.

- © 2009 Michael Dean Dumeir