Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Top 10 Funny Quotes

TOP 10 funny quotes of all times. These funny quotes are the best of the best funny quotes there is.

Top Funny Quote #1

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
~ Douglas Adams ~


Top Funny Quote #2

Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
~ Steven Wright ~


Top Funny Quote #3

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
~ Rodney Dangerfield ~


Top Funny Quote #4

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
~ Andy Rooney ~


Top Funny Quote #5

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
~ Robert Frost ~


Top Funny Quote #5

You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman "It's plucking your eyebrows". That's how I originally got pierced ears.
~ Geri Jewell ~


Top Funny Quote #6

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
~ Erma Bombeck ~


Top Funny Quote #7

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
~ Bill Vaughan ~


Top Funny Quote #8

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
~ Unknown ~


Top Funny Quote #9

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
~ Will Rogers ~


Top Funny Quote #10

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
~ Rita Rudner ~













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Top 10 Inspirational Quotes

Top 10 Inspirational Quotes of all times

Top Inspirational Quote #1


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson


Top Inspirational Quote #2


"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish, and stupid."
-Epictetus



Top Inspirational Quote #3


"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain


Top Inspirational Quote #4


"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spiritsin the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."
-Helen Keller


Top Inspirational Quote #5


"Begin with the end in mind."
-Stephen Covey



Top Inspirational Quote #6


"The greatest crime in the world is not developing your potential. When you do what you do best, you are helping not only yourself, but the world."
-Roger Williams


Top Inspirational Quote #7


"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both."
-Ben Franklin


Top Inspirational Quote #8


"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."
-Dale Carnegie


Top Inspirational Quote #9



"Action is the foundational key to all success."
-Tony Robbins


Top Inspirational Quote #10


"Blair Warren's first product
was too powerful for most...

The One-Sentence Persuasion Course
27 Words to Make the World Do Your Bidding

...here is the finale,
the 27 words Blair sold for $97:

'People will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, justify their failures, allay their fears, confirm their suspicions and help them throw rocks at their enemies.'"
-Ben Mack













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BEST OF THE BEST QUOTES

Collection of the best of the best quotes of all times. Top 10 Quotes of all times. These are the most famous quotes from all genre and all times.


TOP 10 FUNNY QUOTES


TOP 10 INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES


TOP FAMOUS LOVE QUOTES

TOP FAMOUS FRIENDSHIP QUOTES

BEST OF THE BEST JOKES

Collection of the best of the best JOKES of all times. These are the Top 10 Most Famous JOKES of all times.


1. Things to do in the elevator


2. Illinois Man


3. Man falls asleep in church


4. Urinalysis


5. Baked Beans


6. A little Boy visits a whore house


7. Joe Gets an Operation


8. 101 things to do at Walmart


9. The new Priest


10. Neil Armstrong

Neil Armstrong

When Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind statement but followed it by several remarks, usual between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Gorsky".

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr. Gorsky statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

Four years ago, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbors' bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.

"Oral sex? You want oral sex? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"













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The new Priest

The New Priest:

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am
worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If
I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got
nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1.Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2.There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3.There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4.Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5.Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6.We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7.The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8.David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9.When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10.We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12.The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
14.Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.













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Joe Gets an Operation

Joe Gets an Operation

Joe was moderately successful in the career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches..."

"The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he has anything to live for, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job," the salesman said.

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure..." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see...34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck"

Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"

Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure..." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see...9 and a half... wide."

Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure.." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."













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101 things to do at Walmart

101 things to do at Walmart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"

6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"

15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.

16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

43. Two words: "Marco Polo."

44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.

45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."

53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.

55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."

59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.

70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.

71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag

72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming"

73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes

74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices

75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane

76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)

77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saing "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"

78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight

79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.

80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.

81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section

82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.

83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.

84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.

85. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.

86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily face!"

87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.

88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught

89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.

90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."

91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.

92. Rearrange items as you see fit.

93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.

94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs

95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex)

96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recomended)

97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.

98. Follow someone until they notice

99. Puoll out pins, like that guy form the 7up commercial

100. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.

101. Record yourself while having sex, then have it play over and over gain in the middle of a clothes rack.













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Baked Beans

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy
and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought
to herself, " He is such a sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this
carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she
lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be
late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and
the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any
ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and
before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably
sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and
exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He
then blindfolded
her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he
was about to remove the blindfold from his wife,the telephone rang. He made
her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to
answer the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure
was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she
seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was
not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in
front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her
vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which
reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her
ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for
another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her
freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on
her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was
the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so
long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At
this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy
Birthday"!!!













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A little Boy visits a whore house

A little Boy visits a whore house

A little boy about 10 years old was walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a whore house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said, "No!" He said,
"I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door! . The Madam stopped him and asked,
"Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"













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Urinalysis

Urinalysis

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.













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Man falls asleep in church

Man falls asleep in church


One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.













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Illinois Man

The Illinois Man

A Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife,whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

PS. Sure is hot down here.













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Things to do in the elevator

These are funny things to do in the elevator

1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day
been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an apointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay,
don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space"













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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

TOP FAMOUS FRIENDSHIP QUOTES

Collection of Top Famous Quotes of all times


Top famous FRIENDSHIP quote 1

"A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws."

- Unknown


Top famous FRIENDSHIP quote 2

"When we first talked to each other
I knew we would always be friends.
Our friendship has kept on growing
And I'll be here for you to the end.

You listen when I have a problem
And help dry the tears from my face.
You take away my sorrow
And put happiness in its place.

We can't forget the fun we've had
Laughing 'til our faces turn blue.
Talking of things only we find funny
People think we're insane-If they only knew!

I guess this is my way of saying thanks
For catching me when I fall.
Thanks once again for being such a good friend
And being here with me through it all."

- Rachel Ellis


Top famous FRIENDSHIP quote 3

"A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else."

- Unknown


Top famous FRIENDSHIP quote 4

"If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile... But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me."

- Unknown


Top famous FRIENDSHIP quote 5

"It's the times we're so crazy,
that people think we're high.
It's the times we laugh so hard,
we can't help but cry.
It's all the inside jokes
and "remember whens".
those are all the reasons
that we're best friends!"

- Unknown


Top famous FRIENDSHIP quote 6

"There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will."

- Unknown


Top famous FRIENDSHIP quote 7

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

- Unknown


Top famous FRIENDSHIP quote 8

"Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it."

- Belgicia Howell


Top famous FRIENDSHIP quote 9

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them"

- Unknown


Top famous FRIENDSHIP quote 10

The words that escape a friend's mouth are "I'll be there when you say you need me" but the words that are unheard from a true friend's heart are "I'll be there... whether you say you need me or not."

- Unknown













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TOP FAMOUS LOVE QUOTES

Collection of Top Famous Love Quotes

Top famous Love quote 1

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

- Sam Keen, from To Love and Be Loved


Top famous Love quote 2

"The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in."

- Unknown

Top famous Love quote 3

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

- Unknown

Top famous Love quote 4

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, "thats her"....

- Unknown (Website)

Top famous Love quote 5

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control."

- Unknown

Top famous Love quote 6

If I could be any part of you, I’d be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

- Unknown

Top famous Love quote 7

Don't say you love me unless you really mean it, because I might do something crazy like believe it.

- Anonymous

Top famous Love quote 8

You know you're in love when you don't wanna go to sleep at night because your life is better than a dream.

- Unknown

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Top Flirty Quotes

COllection of top famous flirty quotes of all times
**the quotes are not in order**

Flirty quote #1
There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!

Flirty quote #2
Was your father a thief? Because I think he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.

Flirty quote #3
"Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position."

Flirty quote #4
Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.

Flirty quote #5
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.

Flirty quote #6
You're burning up my monitor - are you always this hot?

Flirty quote #7
I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of Heaven.

Flirty quote #8
When God made you, he was showing off.

Flirty quote #9
Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Flirty quote #10
So what else do you have going for you besides your good looks?
















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Contact ME

For more information and comments you can contact me here...
email: cyberdupin@gmail.com

Jokes

Top famous Jokes of all times.
A collection of famous jokes from all genre and topics.




GO TO QUOTES CATEGORY

Quotes

Top famous Quotes of all times.
A collection of famous quotes from all genre and topics.





GO TO JOKES CATEGORY

Top Famous Quotes and Jokes Of All times

Top Famous Quotes and Jokes Of All times

Top Famous Quotes

Collection of Famous Quotes of all times and all genre

Top Famous Jokes

Collection of Famous Jokes of all times and all genre













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Free Friendship Day Cards

Cheer up your strong bond of friendship on this friendship day by exchanging these free cards and greetings from our online gallery. Express your happiness and warm feelings of togetherness by greeting each other and offering any of these free frienship day cards as a gift from one heart to another.
Free Friendship Day eCards Free Friendship Day Cards
Free Card For Friendship Day

Free Friendship Day Cards

Cheer up your strong bond of friendship on this friendship day by exchanging these free cards and greetings from our online gallery. Express your happiness and warm feelings of togetherness by greeting each other and offering any of these free frienship day cards as a gift from one heart to another.
Free Friendship Day eCards Free Friendship Day Cards
Free Card For Friendship Day

Friendship Day Gifts

Gifts are one of the tool to express your happiness and feelings for someone special in life. Friends are also part of our life thats why we express our feelings on friendship day by sending them some lovely gifts as a token of their true friendship. Innovate some new and latest ideas to celebrate this Friendship Day in a special way. Explore our gallery to take help from few friendship day gifts images, photos and ideas to help our online visitors. Apart from friendship bands, flowers and cards you can give chocolates, watches, perfumes, teddys and more.
Send Gifts for Friends Friendship Day Gifts
Friendship Day Gift Ideas

Friendship Day Gifts

Gifts are one of the tool to express your happiness and feelings for someone special in life. Friends are also part of our life thats why we express our feelings on friendship day by sending them some lovely gifts as a token of their true friendship. Innovate some new and latest ideas to celebrate this Friendship Day in a special way. Explore our gallery to take help from few friendship day gifts images, photos and ideas to help our online visitors. Apart from friendship bands, flowers and cards you can give chocolates, watches, perfumes, teddys and more.
Send Gifts for Friends Friendship Day Gifts
Friendship Day Gift Ideas

Friendship Day Messages

Friendship day is celebrated to honor friends and let them know heart-felt special feelings which make them a special friend for life. Watch out our latest collection of friendship day messages to send it to your dear friend. Tell your friend, what he/she means to you through these text sms, message or greetings.
Messages for Friendship Day Happy Friendship Day Messages
Friendship Day Messages

Friendship Day Messages

Friendship day is celebrated to honor friends and let them know heart-felt special feelings which make them a special friend for life. Watch out our latest collection of friendship day messages to send it to your dear friend. Tell your friend, what he/she means to you through these text sms, message or greetings.
Messages for Friendship Day Happy Friendship Day Messages
Friendship Day Messages

Free Friendship Jokes, Funny Jokes

Friendship is full of laughter, fun and entertainment when people share some funny jokes with each other. Friendship day is a time to have fun with your friends and enjoy some humorous time together making jokes on each other and to the people. Group of friends when sitting idle will definately spend their free time enjoying jokes probably funny to enjoy laughing loud. You can share our friendship jokes as displayed in the below cards and greetings. These contain both famous, funny and sms jokes to be forwarded to others for free.
Funny Friendship Jokes Friendship SMS Jokes Free Friendship Day Jokes

Free Friendship Jokes, Funny Jokes

Friendship is full of laughter, fun and entertainment when people share some funny jokes with each other. Friendship day is a time to have fun with your friends and enjoy some humorous time together making jokes on each other and to the people. Group of friends when sitting idle will definately spend their free time enjoying jokes probably funny to enjoy laughing loud. You can share our friendship jokes as displayed in the below cards and greetings. These contain both famous, funny and sms jokes to be forwarded to others for free.
Funny Friendship Jokes Friendship SMS Jokes Free Friendship Day Jokes

Friday, July 24, 2009

Love never dies by a natural death

Hi,

Today I m going to tell u something about love and give some romantic ideas for your loved ones

Love never dies by a natural death but it dies by our lack of carelessness
But it is also true that true love can never end till our last breath either we believe it or not. True love is difficult to get, so don’t let him/her go with some misunderstanding.

Now I will give u some romantic ideas to impress your loved one

Purchase a domain if it is available with your partner’s name for example www.vini.com create webpage which include some a romantic poems, pictures of cute teddy bears and a pictures of flowers with he/she likes. When she/he surfing the web, casually ask to check domain name with her/him name either it exist or not and when he/she type her name he/she discover her/him page.

Give a fluffy teddy bear to her, when she holds the teddy bear she feels your touch.

Send a bouquet of roses and place one artificial rose in the middle of bouquet
decorate bouquet with some sparkle, fillers, glitter, lace and satin ribbon. And attach a sweet teddy bear with the lines: I LOVE U MY TEDDY BEAR

Write a love poem record that make a CD and send her/him. She/he really like this one.

When your love one aren't looking put a love letter in his pocket, spray with perfume and some kisses.

Keep messaging your beloved in office daily. Like I miss u, I love u

Spend your weekend with your loved one.

If you are living together then after reaching home from office do not start sharing your problem immediately. Just forget about all the tensions, start your evening with talking about your loving memory of the past and then share your problem with your beloved.

If any misunderstanding between you then sort misunderstanding by calling him/her or send a 'i am sorry' teddy bear to your beloved one. My love also do the same thing when a misunderstanding rises between us you can see here http://teddy-bear-factory.blogspot.com/2009/03/say-sorry-teddy-bears.html. And when i saw this one I forget all the things and love him more then usual. I LOVE U JANU…..MISS U LOT……

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Time Quotes


Time Quotes

1.

If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is made up of.
[ Bruce Lee ]

2.
Time the most precious gift one can give. Each moment is unique because it will never happen again…the gift of your time spent with others is the ultimate display of unconditional love.
[ Robert W. Merriweather ]


3.
There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing.
[ Brian tracy ]

4.
Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't
own it, but you can use it. You can't keep
it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it
you can never get it back.
[ Harvey MacKay ]

Tags:

quotes about change quotes about friends quotes about life quotes about love quotes and sayings love quotes famous quotes inspirational quotes funny quotes friendship quotes motivational quotes life quotes


5.
Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.
[ Stacey Charter ]



Friday, July 17, 2009

Life Quotes

Life Quotes



1.
A fight is not won by one punch or kick. Either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard.Forget about winning and losing; forget about pride and pain. Let your opponent graze your skin and you smash into his flesh; let him smash into your flesh and you fracture his bones; let him fracture your bones and you take his life. Do not be concerned with escaping safely - lay your life before him.[ Bruce Lee ]


2.
Life is just a chance to grow a soul.
[ Powell Davies ]

3.
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
[ Abraham Lincoln ]

4.
True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness.[ Einnstein ]




5.
Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back.
[ Arthur Rubinstein ]

6.
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
[ Annie Dillard ]

7.
Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.
[ James Dean ]





Thursday, July 16, 2009

Father Quotes




Father / Dad Quotes




1.
One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.
[ Anonymous ]



2.
Noble fathers have noble children.
[Euripides]

3.
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
[ Harry S Truman ]

4.
When I was a kid, my father told me every day, 'You're the most wonderful boy in the world, and you can do anything you want to.
[ Jan Hutchins ]

5.
If a son is uneducated, his dad is to blame.
[ Chinese Proverb ]

6.
Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!
[ Lydia ]


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