Hi my fellow blog lovers
I am struggling tonight with emotional decisions :-( I try to provide inspirational motivation all the time. I don't know if anyone really reads my blog (but to me, it is my emotional journey) and it allows me to just type what I can't really talk about to anyone else. I need to vent and this is my best way. You don't really know me so you can just listen and offer your unbiased opinion. That's all I really want.
If any of you have read my blog from the beginning, you will know the real emotional struggles that I have overcome and you would also know that my daughter is my main inspiration for being the very best person that I can be. I had a crappy childhood to say the least (read my earliest posts and you will understand). I have worked damn hard and read countless self help books to overcome. I have a great life now (because I forced that in my life) I choose to live a happy life. I choose not to dwell on my childhood and past mistakes. Damn it, I choose to be happy!
So I guess you are asking that if I am so happy, why am I posting this??
Why? Because it concerns my daughter (my greatest love of all) Her father hasn't been consistently in her life since she was 3 (she is 13) Sure, he has been a drop in and drop out dad but I have tried to protect my daughter. I had a shit ass dad and I have always tried to protect my own baby girl from that. (read my blog archive from the very beginning and you will know my story and see how far I have come)
I got with my husband when my daughter was 6 and for the past 7 years, my husband (her step dad) has been her father figure. He has coached her softball teams, taken her and supported her with all her dance endeavors ( she is in competitive dance and has dance class 4 days a week) He is the one at every school event and both praising and disciplining every report card. He pushes her to do her absolute best (and scolds her when she is wrong). He financially supports her, covers all her health insurance and just loves her to pieces. My husband (her stepdad) is her dad and has been for the last 7 years. My life is good and I guess you could say I am really happy and the very fear of something screwing my happy life up scares me to a point of an emotional breakdown (which is what I am having right now) I had such a bad childhood and I am so happy right now in my life because everything just works out for me. The very thought of something screwing that up scares me to death. My daughter is so happy and so successful!! She is everything that I ever wished I could have been back at the age of 13 (Beautiful, Smart, Confident) She is just a wonderful person
so to make a long story short haha, he (her father) is now in jail serving a 2 year sentence for burglary and he has found god and misses his daughter yada yada. He is calling my house with collect calls wanting to speak to my daughter. (I wont accept the charges) He writes me letters telling me that I am a horrible person because I keep him from his daughter.
So am I horrible? That's what I am asking of you. I don't believe he's changed. If I believed for one moment, I would allow him in her life. He has hurt her so many times that I just can't do that to her again.
Let me know what you think
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