To Be Or Not To Be......Mated That Is

The other day I was so tickled when I saw a face book post by a friend of mine venting against men. Men who think a single woman in her thirties onwards is in need of rescue. Seeing themselves as doing her a great service when offering their attention.
This reminded me of my mid twenties (25/26 or so) when I used to feel the exact same. I don’t know if men realise how much social dynamics between males and females have changed in South Africa. At that time I swore myself to being single for the rest of my life. I remember my best friend and I sitting outside pavement tables at some restaurant/bar on many a weekend daydreaming and envisioning our futures as hot divas in our 40’s. We really believed in that dream. We couldn’t wait.

But I also felt it my duty as a Christian (being brought up on hell and damnation and all that) and an African to boot (its unnatural to be unmated)  to at least show an interest, however minor, in meeting my life partner. So there was me bargaining with God. I told him, well Daddy dear, you know I’ve no clue what kind of man I’d want if I wanted one so if you think I need one, you have until my thirtieth birthday to do what you think is best. And that was as far as that talk went, I never gave him a chance to respond. I carried on with life.

This wasn’t the kind of chat with that I placed much faith in and perhaps that’s why I never lingered around long enough to hear what He had to say. Which is quite understandable when you consider that I really wasn’t convinced men were all that necessary. I come from a long line of single, divorced or separated but living together spouses. In the latter case, the mother and father would just pretend the other didn’t exist while living in the same house.

But lo’ and behold. In my 29th year, I was sucker punched and thrown to the love curb by LITERALLY  having my husband walk right up to my front door step. That’s how I met him but that's a story for another day.  Suffice to say  that was the end of my visions of “freedom and unfettered” sexiness.

I discarded all those wonderful plans of living my forties in the spots that Johannesburg had to offer and succumbed to visions and most times realities of marital bliss and hot mamaness. Well if I must be honest (which i think is over rated at the best of times) there are times when the bliss in marital is replaced with an iiiirrrggghhh through clenched teeth. The same iiiirrrggghhh that frequently foretold an oncoming raging session over the jerks I met in my single years.

So you see, I quite understand my friends upset state over some random man whom, upon gauging her age figures he is her last hope. Those days are long gone and women have choices. A choice of whether or not to love themselves in their oneness or with another. And a choice of what kind of other they will pay attention to.

What has influenced your choices on the subject of to be or not to be mated? Me, it was love, a condition I still suffer from, some days more than others.