Sunday, July 22, 2012

Is Culture The Unwelcome Ingredient In Marriage?

Last weekend my family on my husband’s side came over to see the baby. I ended up enjoying myself immensely during that gathering which was something of a surprise to me. Why it should surprise me is that I never really know what to expect from that side of the family because we are so different, background, tradition and so on. Im always full of apprehension.

even the way we (South Africans) entertain is completely different to the way Nigerians do. But i’m happy to say that the prospect of holding these gatherings is not as strenuous as it used to feel because I don’t worry about it so much anymore. Anyway one of my brother in-laws that I feel most comfortable with always seems to get into discussion and debate with me every time we meet.

This time it was about culture and inevitably its role in marriage. I feel very strongly about this issue which I think is understandable because it seems to be that African men use culture as an opportunity to get out of responsibility and excuse incompetence. 

Infact I am persuaded that culture is the reason many marriages get into trouble because what is culture and tradition after all. Some rules set by old men who being bored of sitting in the sun decided to think of ways to enslave the females in their lives to their benefit even more. And then it becomes even worse when you marry into a different nationality because suddenly who you are and your history become completely insignificant incomparison to your husband and his background. 

When my husband and I got married, our counsellor told us to take culture out of the equation and use the Bible as the basis to set standards for behaviour in our marriage. And funny enough the men work very hard at misrepresenting this too in order to get their way. Be that as it may, I maintain that it is better to submit to biblical principles and use these as reference for behaviours in marriage than talk about my culture or your culture that has no basis. 

I know this has turned into a bit of a incomprehensible  tantrum on my side but what roles has culture played in your relationships and how have you handled hick ups if it ever created  any?

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